


At the End of Everything

by intelligent pie (Ingu)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M, Suicide, Translation, Unhappy Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-06
Updated: 2016-03-06
Packaged: 2018-05-25 02:13:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,166
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6176260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ingu/pseuds/intelligent%20pie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s all over.</p><p>The First Order is no more, the Starkiller Base destroyed, and they have become prisoners of the Resistance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	At the End of Everything

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [当一切终结](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/179515) by misamisa. 



> Un-betaed. All mistakes remain mine.

It’s all over.

The First Order is no more, the Starkiller Base destroyed, and they have become prisoners of the Resistance.

The day they are captured, Hux is just as calm as he has always been, and Kylo almost can’t feel the shift of his emotions but for the slight tremor in his hands.

“I will live and die for the Empire,” Hux says, his finger resting on the trigger of his blaster. He’s biting his lip, his expression somber, as though he is prepared to give himself for the grand accomplishments he has always fought for. Passion burns in his eyes as he speaks. “My destiny is to restore the lost glory of the Empire. It is my purpose, it is my ending. I am willing to die to see it fulfilled, if I can’t live to witness that day, then I will give my flesh and blood and everything that I am, to the achievement of this glorious goal.”

Kylo remembers the first time he met Hux. Back then, the man had been barely more than a boy, making grandiose speeches Kylo had always disdained.

But now he knows, Hux isn’t speaking nonsense, or the empty words of a politician. He knows that what Hux says is real, that he truly treats all of this as his religion.

Kylo begins to feel afraid.

 

\---

 

The Resistance builds a new Galactic Republic in the ashes of the old, and everything is to be rebuilt from the ruins. Kylo and Hux are kept in separate rooms. At the start, apart from timed meal deliveries, no one pays attention to them. They’re forgotten like garbage in their cold and tiny prison cells.

The days in solitary confinement are dry and boring. Kylo tries to probe Hux’s mind, and is violently shoved away time and time again. Eventually, after enough attempts, entering Hux’s consciousness becomes easy. Kylo can detect the other man growing weaker, becoming almost powerless to fight back, fragile, teetering on some sort of edge. Hux’s mind is always confusing, it is chaos, filled with roars of anger and despairing cries. Kylo feels the unsteadiness in Hux’s mind. His steel-like determination shattered into nothingness, and all that is left behind are empty echoes of what once was.

One day, he easily enters Hux’s mind, and is surprised with the discovery that the only thought dominating the former General of the First Order’s thoughts, is the question of how to end his life. Kylo can sense it. Hux’s entire attention is focused on figuring out how to tie his bedsheet into a noose.

“Don’t waste your time, there isn’t anywhere here for you to hang it.” Kylo says without thinking, his voice an awkward presence in the Force-created bubble surrounding the two of them. He’s not sure why anger is beginning to burn in his chest. His head feels struck, his fears confirmed. He wants to break the prison he is trapped in. He wants to see Hux, to make sure he is still fine, still real.

“Are you here to laugh at me?” Hux says, his voice tinged with bitterness. But his gaze immediately moves away from the sheets.

“I’m merely curious.”

“About what? Why I haven’t rotted away yet?”

“Curious why no one is doing anything about us.”

“Don’t worry yourself. Once they’re done with the rebuilding, they’ll have more than enough time to deal with us.” Hux laughs, his voice hoarse as though worn by sandpaper.

Kylo’s heart sinks.

 

-

 

Hux’s words prove true when a week later, both of them are put into new white prison uniforms. The scavenger girl from Jakku Kylo’s only seen a mere handful of times leads the way out, watching both Kylo and Hux cautiously along the way. He can sense that the girl’s – Rey’s – power is much stronger than before. Her energy is pure in its strength, and it oppresses him, making it hard to breathe.

But the feeling is different than the oppressive tension born from the dark side. The power Rey harnesses is gentle, like the warmth of the sun shining upon the earth. Kylo, who has spent too long in the dark, is not adapted to it, that power is too bright.

“The senate has reached a decision,” Rey says suddenly. She turns, her inscrutable gaze passing between the two of them, as though wanting to look right through them.

“General Organa and I, as well as Poe, all oppose this decision. But the senate has already passed it by majority.”

Her expression is angry. Interesting.

“But I thought I should tell you. After all, you have a right to know.”

Hours later, Kylo knows. He knows what fate intends for himself and for Hux. Monitored service for life is the punishment they give them. The senate agrees that a rare force-user should not receive the death penalty, and should instead be used, for everything they have to offer. Kylo’s sentenced to work for the rest of his life, using his force-powers to assist in the rebuilding of the New Republic. All of it, of course, while under Rey’s watch.

As for Hux, when he hears his sentence, he breaks completely and utterly. Gone is his usual arrogance, and he slides down his seat, his face ashen.

With the presence of the barrier, Kylo can’t detect Hux’s mood. But Kylo wants to scream, then and there. He wants to tear everyone present apart and cut them into pieces. If only he still has his lightsaber, Kylo thinks.

How dare they. How dare they do this. Kylo bites his lip until he tastes the copper of blood. He bites himself bloody until he meets Leia’s gaze, and sees the shock and disapproval on her face at the sight of the red staining his skin.

As an ex-First Order official and war criminal, Hux will not be given the death sentence due to his rank. Instead, personality reconstruction is offered as the only solution.

Kylo knows what personality reconstruction is. He’s even seen people who’ve been through it before, their minds washed of consciousness, turned into a walking shell, eventually dying slowly and painfully of neglect. He’s seen into their eyes, empty and devoid of color, like murky balls of glass, without focus. He’s seen into their minds, where there is no voice, only void.

How ironic, Kylo thinks. Hux wants a glorious death, and yet, he will only get this in the end, a tragic, gradual decay into nothing.

Though there’s a tracker is introduced inside his neck, Kylo temporarily regains his freedom. They’ve done worse than Hux, he thinks. At least the previous one could be taken off. This one is impossible to remove, implanted deep into his body, forever reminding him of his sin. He can’t even step off the current base, this location that has been appropriated as the temporary meeting place of the senate following the war. If he dares to leave, the tracker will send a warning signal, alerting dozens of waiting fighters. The most elite forces will be sent out to bring him back.

 

-

 

Hux’s sentence will be carried out in three days. Efficient, Kylo thinks, as he angrily paces his new room. Everything decorating the space is affected by his unstable energy, beginning to tremble in their places. He throws the only removable object in the room – a hanging clock –  onto the floor, yet no sound of shattering glass follows. Everything inside his room had been carefully selected, the girl had said, staring at him with a complicated gaze, clearly with more to say than she is able to voice.

The night before the sentence, Rey suddenly appears outside his room, and knocks wildly against the door. The shock has him leaping to his feet from the bed, taken over by a sudden, terrible premonition. He hasn’t heard Hux’s voice in his head for a long time, though he can still faintly detect the other’s presence.

“Hux says he wants to see you,” is the only thing Rey says when he opens the door.

 

-

 

Kylo passes through checkpoint after checkpoint until he is finally standing before the cell holding the ex-First Order General, and the worst criminal across the galaxies. He doesn’t remember how many corners he’s turned, and how many guards’ disdainful gazes he’s endured. At last, he stops in front of a set of giant, white doors.

“You’re not following me inside?” Kylo casts his gaze in Rey’s direction, and finds her standing motionless.

“It’s not as though you can do much damage, you don’t have any weapons on you. Anyway, you won’t be able to use the Force behind these doors.” Rey stands to the side, her hands grasping her elbows. She raises her brows, signaling for him to enter.

Hux is no longer the Hux in Kylo’s memories. He’s lost weight, his ribs barely able to support his loose prison uniform. There are dark shadows under his eyes, and his beard has been shaved clean. Yet his hair hangs limply on his head, just like those countless times Kylo had seen him every morning, waking up at his side. Hux’s eyes are lost. The moment he sees Kylo, his expression turns solemn.

“Rey said you wanted to see me.”

Hux doesn’t say a word, and strides up to him. Before Kylo knows what’s happening, his mouth is caught by the warmth of Hux’s lips.

At first, it is only soft, tentative touching, testing, with a sense of foreigness. Slowly, familiarity grows between them, and Hux deepens the kiss, one hand reaching behind Kylo’s head, fingers sliding between his hair. The other hand grabs Kylo’s wrist, and moves slowly downward. Hux’s slightly cold fingers reach into his palm.

Kylo feels the slide of Hux’s fingertips against his skin. Stroke by stroke, the words appear inside his mind.

_Kill me._

Kylo freezes.

“Please.”

This time, Kylo is truly frightened. The broken notes of Hux’s voice is tainted with despair, his plea born of desperation. Up close, he sees for the first time the swirl of anguish, hopelessness, and terror at the bottom of Hux’s eyes. Even without the aid of the force, he can feel the strength of Hux’s emotions, enveloping him with the sudden and violent power of a tidal wave, wrapping around him, swallowing him whole, and leaving him drowned.

“How?” Kylo says, the voice doesn’t even sound like his. His reply is mechanical, the person answering Hux is not him, not really.

Slowly, he hugs Hux tightly to his chest.

 

-

 

For the first time, Kylo makes a formal request to his mother. He wants Hux. Even if nothing remains of him inside the shell. To his surprise, General Organa immediately grants his request.

“Take it, if it will stop you from continuing to hurt yourself.”

He stares into her eyes, and knows that she is aware. It is tired resignation that she carries within her, as though decades have passed in a moment, she knows exactly what will unfold. She’s been defeated, never once winning a battle between herself and her son. 

He doesn’t request to watch the execution of the sentence. He knows Hux won’t agree, and might even hate him for the rest of his life. If Kylo watches, he knows he’ll go crazy, and do something even he himself can’t predict like destroy the entire base, like murdering every single person participating in the execution by drowning them in their own blood and watching them suffocate. A painful death is the only thing they deserve. Let them chew and choke on their own brain marrow. Only then will the rage in Kylo be sated, his fury stilled.

And yet he can’t do anything. The only thing he can manage is to focus, enter into Hux’s thoughts, and observe his emotions. Hux’s sorrow is white, his rage is red, his terror is black, his despair is grey.

Hux suddenly plays him a memory, and Kylo stills. It was night, a memory of when he and Hux had each been trying to figure out if the other was asleep after talking far too deep into the night. The memory is so regular and so normal that Kylo had almost forgotten it’s something that had happened between them. Back then, Hux hadn’t been quite so insane, and was only focused on climbing the ranks. Starkiller Base had been only a blurry idea inside Hux’s mind, instead of the mature plan it became. That night, they had been squeezed together on the single bed in Hux’s room, discussing too-loudly the time it might take to completely tour the galaxy they’re in. As they talked, sleepiness had taken hold of Kylo’s voice, and gradually, his eyes had begun to feel heavy, and his consciousness blurred. It became hard to hear Hux’s chattering words.

“Are you asleep?” Hux gently nudges the man beside him, and receives no response. Kylo sees his sleeping self from Hux’s perspective, oblivious, as though there is nothing to concern him in the entire universe. The Hux in the memory sighs, Kylo sees him open his mouth, and then-

He can’t feel Hux anymore.

His agony pushes him toward screaming, and Rey, beside him, jolts with shock. Uncaring of her bewildered stare, he tries again and again to re-establish the connection between him and Hux. Again and again, all he feels is that familiar yet foreign emptiness, as though he is the only one who remains in an empty room. He screams into the void, yet only hears the echo of his own voice.

He realizes something with a start.

Hux will never appear in his mind again.

 

-

 

Later, he sees Hux – he refuses to admit that is Hux – and feels a sudden discomfort in his stomach. Kylo covers his mouth, falls into the corner, and starts to heave.

Rey only watches them with a look of sympathy. She’s a thoughtful and caring girl, Kylo thinks, as he wipes at his mouth.

Hux’s hair has been brushed, and his head slumps to one side. A strand of ginger hair falls past his cheek. He’s been placed on a special wheelchair, and looks just like he’s asleep.

“Take care of him.” Rey leaves him these words and hurries away. She should learn to hide her own feelings, Kylo thinks, weirdly. He even saw the tears she discreetly wiped away from the corners of her eyes.

He takes Hux back to his room with a bitter sense of déjà vu – everything once worked in the exact opposite. He gently puts Hux on his bed, and remembers that before, it had always been Hux who would suddenly press him into the mattress. Kylo gently brushes back Hux’s hair, and Hux slowly opens his eyes. There is no expression on his face, and those green eyes no longer watch Kylo with intent. Hux only stares at the ceiling, eyes blank and empty.

Kylo grasps Hux’s fingers. They’re still slightly cold, but the fingers don’t tighten around him, and only sit limply in his hand. Hux’s fingertips are pressed against his palm, slightly long fingernails moving gently against his skin. Kylo remembers the words Hux wrote for him on that final night.

If Kylo ever had a heart, it would have crumbled piece by piece with Hux’s inexistent spirit by now. A part of his soul is now forever erased, alongside Hux, by the machines delivering the execution.

 

-

 

Rey passes by Kylo’s room many times after then. The first few days, she hears Kylo’s voice as he speaks to Hux, or rather, to the empty shell. His voice is tiny, broken, and fades into sobs before long.

Rey feels something inside her chest twist into knots. She had thought Kylo might slowly recover. But she’s wrong, she’s never been more wrong. When she looks at him she sees the giant hole torn inside of him. It’s a pit that is ripped wider with the assault of unending pain, devouring his energy and his life.

She notices that aside from the water, none of the food that is sent his way ever disappears. She begins to worry, and finally, one day, she knocks on his door.

 

-

 

Kylo’s room is deathly quiet, but she can still feel the power of suppressed Force energy, railing, screaming. How was this tiny room ever meant to contain Kylo’s boundless misery and his urge to flee? She walks into his room, and the first thing she sees is Hux, sat by the window. The ex-general’s body leans against the windowsill, his empty eyes staring into the dark and inscrutable void of space. He’s been wrapped up tightly, Rey notices.

That thing no longer has a soul, it can barely be called human. Yet, what used to fill that empty vessel used to be Kylo’s everything.

“Lately…” Rey barely starts to speak before she’s shocked into silence.

Kylo appears before her, eyes red as though he hasn’t slept for seven days and nights. His cheeks are deep hollows, and he staggers as he moves, like the entire weight of the world is pinned upon his shoulders.

He takes a deep breath, and says, “I have decided to leave.”

Rey doesn’t ask. She knows what he means.

“Did you ever…?” She wants to ask, but when she sees Kylo’s expression, she finds already knows the answer.

 

-

 

Kylo enters the orbit data, and shuts off the thrusters. This tiny vessel is now aimlessly drifting into the depths of space.

He walks out of the cockpit, looks at Hux, and he makes up his mind. It’s time. He tightens his grip on the blaster in his hand. Rey had given it to him. For a moment, when she placed the heavy metal weight on his hand, he had been surprised. But it was replaced immediately by an expression of blankness.

He walks in front of Hux, and Hux only stares at him, with wide eyes. Kylo presses the barrel of the blaster to his head, holds his breath, pulls the trigger, and Hux’s body crumples to the floor. Kylo crouches and shuts Hux’s empty, frozen eyes, and finishes the job with shots to his chest. More blood spills onto the floor, Hux’s body spasms and stops moving.

Kylo lies down next to Hux, and presses the barrel to his chin. He closes his eyes, jerks his finger. A moment, and there is only white and red in the world.

 

-

 

The day Kylo leaves, Rey deliberately ignores the alarm sounding from hangar. She shuts off the warning of ‘unauthorized departure’, and watches numbly as the blinking light signifying Kylo Ren leaves his authorized zone of movement. The warning begins to sound and she shuts it off at once, staring as the tiny speck of light moves from the orbit around base little by little, and slowly heads toward the endless space.

Kylo Ren’s light flashes once, twice, then fades.

She turns off the screen, and looks outside to the small ship, watching as it slowly, gradually, disappears into the dark.


End file.
